Ugh

[moon_custafer]

Emailed my mom because I finally admitted to myself I need to ask for money again, the third time in the past decade. Painted out that we don’t own a car, we don’t have kids, we never travel outside the city except to visit you and Dad, we don’t have a mortgage and the monthly condo fees are much less than rent would be on a smaller apartment. I’m living through an economic crisis and married to someone on disability, and we’re two people trying to get by on one-and-a-half incomes.

Intellectually, I know the above to be perfectly true, but I still feel like some upper-class twit in a Victorian novel who, having run out of things to hock, must once again admit to his guardians that he’s boozed and gambled away his quarterly allowance; except if I were a feckless 19th-century nobleman I’d probably feel a lot more brazen, nstead of dreading Mom’s response— even worse, if she doesn’t call or email back within the hour I’m going to have to telephone her. Feeling sick to my stomach.   

Comments

[sabotabby]

It sucks, but it's not like you've been irresponsible with your money. We're all in various levels of crisis here.

[moon_custafer]

I know. It’s probably irrational, but I’m scared they’re going to set some condition like having to get rid of the cats, or at least take back the more recent arrival. People have made “emotional support animal” a punchline, but there’s no way Andrew could cope on his own for twelve hours a day while I’m at work/commuting. He usually has two panic attacks per day as it is.

[sabotabby]

Do they need to know about the cats?

I tend to get by with controlling the amount of information that goes out.

[moon_custafer]

They know we have cats.

[sabotabby]

Hopefully then, they'll understand that you are a whole-ass adult and these circumstances are exceptional ones.

[moon_custafer]

They’re not exceptional, though. Not being able to make ends meet is an ongoing problem, and I don’t know what else I can cut from the budget.

[sovay]

It’s probably irrational, but I’m scared they’re going to set some condition like having to get rid of the cats, or at least take back the more recent arrival.

Have they ever done anything like that before?

[moon_custafer]

No, which is why the fear is probably irrational, but Mom has ways of conveying disapproval without directly saying or doing anything. It’s all tone of voice and breathing patterns.

[sovay]

Feeling sick to my stomach.

*hugs*

We are in a crisis with no safety nets except for those who already don't need them. It sucks. It sucked even before we were in such a visible crisis as this one. The system we live in is great at financial shame.

If you already feel like an irresponsibly dissipated rake, I suggest you make yourself a really snazzy waistcoat or at least drink some ratafia.

[moon_custafer]

Already have a pretty nice fairisle waistcoat; trying to decide whether to mix myself an old-fashioned now or afterwards. No reply yet and got the answering machine when I grit my teeth and called.

[larryhammer]

Ugh. Yeah, it’s hard. I’m stealing myself to ask my parents for money as well. They preemptively offered, but I still don’t like doing it.

[cuddyclothes]

Your life isn't boring. Do your parents know how many cats you have? Are they the sort of people who make those kind of demands?

[moon_custafer]

Probably not, I’m just automatically bracing for the worst.

[moon_custafer]

Well, called Mom and I think I managed to get off with a lecture about living within my means and a promise to send her a log of all expenses for the coming month.

Great Expectations

[palain-7.livejournal.com]

There is much to be said:
- I know exactly how you feel about feeling like a dissolute failure. If not for my friends (including you and Andrew) I'd be dead or, at the very least, living under a bridge. I sometimes feel I'm turning into Max Bialystock and fleecing little old ladies out of their savings. At least I can't suffer having to go to my parents: they're both dead.
- On the other hand I've made sundry sacrifices and saved assorted lives myself too: as have you (see above). I console myself by thinking that it would be terribly selfish to hog all such fun to myself. If you will forgive the observation, I have once or twice suspected you of such selfishness. (I seem to recall a particular incident involving your refusal to allow the deployment of a Ninja Army. ) If one Gives; one must be resigned to Receive.
- As I am of Scottish (or as we would say in the Ontario dialect of the language "Scotch") descent I am often haunted by the phantoms of wasted pennies. They stand at the end of my bed and fix me with gimlet eyes moaning "Yoouuu wasssted meee!". Turn and wriggle on the hook as I may ("The flyer was missing a page!", "It was an in-store special - I didn't know!", "But I was frightened that there would be a weight limit on luggage on the ferry and that they'd toss the suitcase and my little brother over the side!"....) still does it leave a scar upon my soul. As such I offer my services as a Cheapness Consultant (C-squared) in the Present Emergency. A Cheapness Audit and some Pro-tips can cut your fixed expenses by up; to a half! Pro-tip #1: Never buy anything from the middle aisles of the supermarket except for flour. Pro-tip #2: Personally make sure that you check for your eligibility for the "Working Poor Tax Credit" on your Income Tax return every year. (It's on an obscure form but worth several hundred $ cash if you qualify.) Don't be selfish (see above) and miss out on this offer! Send me your expense log!