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I think I'm being gaslighted
I think I've mentioned the co-worker who keeps needling me and talking down to me? I'd already upped my anti-anxiety meds because of her, but last week I was stressed out because of the credit card incident, so I was more on-edge at work than usual: Wednesday I’d noticed the printer was out of tabloid-sized paper, and I looked around but couldn’t find any, so I’d asked her to add it to the list of office supplies to pick up. The next day another co-worker was also looking for tabloid. When I said I thought we were out, he insisted we couldn’t be, looked in the same cabinet I’d searched yesterday – and found some, on the very bottom under a bunch of cardboard.
First co-worker said to me: “Did you hear that – (Second co-worker) found it.”
“On the bottom shelf, under a bunch of cardboard boxes,” I added, not wanting to look totally foolish.
“That’s what all the kids say,” she replied sweetly. At which point I couldn’t keep myself from swearing under my breath and hurling the apple I was about to eat across the room.
She didn't seem to notice, and I prayed she hadn't.
On Friday I snapped again (not at her, I was cursing myself for not handling a phone call as well as I could have); afterwards she asked our new manager if she could talk to him alone, and today she passed on a message from him that I'll be fired if I behave inappropriately a third time. I feel like the kid who the teachers don't notice is being bullied until she lashes out, and then their reaction is to punish her.
Think is, I've seen this pattern before at this office, with this same co-worker -- when I first started, there was a woman who was always freaking out and screaming at everyone, and was eventually let go for it. On at least one occasion, I heard her try to protest that she was being bullied, and noticed for the first time that she was always being quietly baited by the woman who's doing the same thing to me now. While she really did have issues, I don't know if they'd have been as bad if she hadn't been driven over the edge. I suppose if I fall, she'll move on to the newest co-worker, who she's currently being nice to. And I don't know what to do about any of this -- the manager has only been here a couple of months, so he has no way of knowing how I usually behave, and he already seems to have fallen into the pattern of communicating with me through her, rather than speaking with me directly.
Meanwhile, Andrew's not well today, and begged me to stay home with him, so I've claimed to be sick myself -- it's plausible, as a couple of people were down with the flu last week -- but I'm paranoid it won't be believed and will turn into another strike against me.
I think I've mentioned the co-worker who keeps needling me and talking down to me? I'd already upped my anti-anxiety meds because of her, but last week I was stressed out because of the credit card incident, so I was more on-edge at work than usual: Wednesday I’d noticed the printer was out of tabloid-sized paper, and I looked around but couldn’t find any, so I’d asked her to add it to the list of office supplies to pick up. The next day another co-worker was also looking for tabloid. When I said I thought we were out, he insisted we couldn’t be, looked in the same cabinet I’d searched yesterday – and found some, on the very bottom under a bunch of cardboard.
First co-worker said to me: “Did you hear that – (Second co-worker) found it.”
“On the bottom shelf, under a bunch of cardboard boxes,” I added, not wanting to look totally foolish.
“That’s what all the kids say,” she replied sweetly. At which point I couldn’t keep myself from swearing under my breath and hurling the apple I was about to eat across the room.
She didn't seem to notice, and I prayed she hadn't.
On Friday I snapped again (not at her, I was cursing myself for not handling a phone call as well as I could have); afterwards she asked our new manager if she could talk to him alone, and today she passed on a message from him that I'll be fired if I behave inappropriately a third time. I feel like the kid who the teachers don't notice is being bullied until she lashes out, and then their reaction is to punish her.
Think is, I've seen this pattern before at this office, with this same co-worker -- when I first started, there was a woman who was always freaking out and screaming at everyone, and was eventually let go for it. On at least one occasion, I heard her try to protest that she was being bullied, and noticed for the first time that she was always being quietly baited by the woman who's doing the same thing to me now. While she really did have issues, I don't know if they'd have been as bad if she hadn't been driven over the edge. I suppose if I fall, she'll move on to the newest co-worker, who she's currently being nice to. And I don't know what to do about any of this -- the manager has only been here a couple of months, so he has no way of knowing how I usually behave, and he already seems to have fallen into the pattern of communicating with me through her, rather than speaking with me directly.
Meanwhile, Andrew's not well today, and begged me to stay home with him, so I've claimed to be sick myself -- it's plausible, as a couple of people were down with the flu last week -- but I'm paranoid it won't be believed and will turn into another strike against me.
