moon_custafer (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
moon_custafer) wrote2022-06-22 05:15 pm
moon_custafer) wrote2022-06-22 05:15 pm
I Rate Your Phone Calls
“[x]Department”
“Can I have the [x] department?”
“[x], please?”
10/10 Clear and straight to the point. Always providing the department you’re asking for exists, or is an obvious alternate name for one of our departments.
“How are you today? I’m [name], calling from [company], and I’m looking for….”
7/10 I know you think you’re being polite, but two more callers have appeared in the queue as I wait for you to get to the point and tell me which department you want.
“[overly general description] Department, please.”
9/10 Now I’m going to have to ask which department you need. 1 point off if you’re unsure, 3 points off if you reply that it “doesn’t matter.” It does.
“I’ve been on hold for twenty minutes/called three times and [department] doesn’t pick up.”
8/10. Not really your fault, but now I’m going to have to put you on hold and let the other calls in the queue wait while I look through the directory and call individuals in that department, trying to find one who isn’t busy at the moment.
“I want to speak to [individual person who works here]”
8/10. I really should put you on hold to make sure that person is (a) at their desk right now and (b) not handling another call, but there are other callers in the queue and I’m going to gamble.
[background noise]
7/10 You either dialed by accident, or you weren’t expecting someone to pick up right away. If you’re the latter, 2 points docked for asking if we’re [company name] because you missed my initial greeting. Points added if you say “oh, sorry, I thought you were a recorded message,” because that amuses me.
“I want to speak to [person who isn’t in any of the employee directories]”
6/10. OK, three possibilities here: The person you’re looking for works in the warehouse and doesn’t have a phone extension; the person used to work here a couple of years ago but doesn’t anymore; or you’re misremembering or mispronouncing the name of one of our employees and I have to figure out which one, a job made easier if you’re not adamant that the guy you spoke to last week was really and truly named “Mike Cosmic,” a name that turns up nobody on google except a free-jazz musician who has never worked for this company, or even in this industry.
No wait, there’s a fourth possibility, which is that you dialled the wrong number to begin with. You can have an extra point if so; two if it’s because you were looking for that other company with almost the same name.
In-person customer who just walked into the office
9/10 You want the other entrance, around the side of the building.
“Accounts Payable/Accounts Receivable, please”
10/10 The fact you said one or the other department name unprompted gives me confidence that you know which is which.
“Accounting please.”
8/10 See, now I shall have to ask if you are a customer or a supplier. Asking “Payable or Receivable” will (understandably) confuse you into thinking that “Payable” is the department where you go to pay us, instead of the reverse.
“I want to speak to the owner of the company”
3/10 You know nothing about this company. I may be able to palm you off on the office manager.
“Can I have the [x] department?”
“[x], please?”
10/10 Clear and straight to the point. Always providing the department you’re asking for exists, or is an obvious alternate name for one of our departments.
“How are you today? I’m [name], calling from [company], and I’m looking for….”
7/10 I know you think you’re being polite, but two more callers have appeared in the queue as I wait for you to get to the point and tell me which department you want.
“[overly general description] Department, please.”
9/10 Now I’m going to have to ask which department you need. 1 point off if you’re unsure, 3 points off if you reply that it “doesn’t matter.” It does.
“I’ve been on hold for twenty minutes/called three times and [department] doesn’t pick up.”
8/10. Not really your fault, but now I’m going to have to put you on hold and let the other calls in the queue wait while I look through the directory and call individuals in that department, trying to find one who isn’t busy at the moment.
“I want to speak to [individual person who works here]”
8/10. I really should put you on hold to make sure that person is (a) at their desk right now and (b) not handling another call, but there are other callers in the queue and I’m going to gamble.
[background noise]
7/10 You either dialed by accident, or you weren’t expecting someone to pick up right away. If you’re the latter, 2 points docked for asking if we’re [company name] because you missed my initial greeting. Points added if you say “oh, sorry, I thought you were a recorded message,” because that amuses me.
“I want to speak to [person who isn’t in any of the employee directories]”
6/10. OK, three possibilities here: The person you’re looking for works in the warehouse and doesn’t have a phone extension; the person used to work here a couple of years ago but doesn’t anymore; or you’re misremembering or mispronouncing the name of one of our employees and I have to figure out which one, a job made easier if you’re not adamant that the guy you spoke to last week was really and truly named “Mike Cosmic,” a name that turns up nobody on google except a free-jazz musician who has never worked for this company, or even in this industry.
No wait, there’s a fourth possibility, which is that you dialled the wrong number to begin with. You can have an extra point if so; two if it’s because you were looking for that other company with almost the same name.
In-person customer who just walked into the office
9/10 You want the other entrance, around the side of the building.
“Accounts Payable/Accounts Receivable, please”
10/10 The fact you said one or the other department name unprompted gives me confidence that you know which is which.
“Accounting please.”
8/10 See, now I shall have to ask if you are a customer or a supplier. Asking “Payable or Receivable” will (understandably) confuse you into thinking that “Payable” is the department where you go to pay us, instead of the reverse.
“I want to speak to the owner of the company”
3/10 You know nothing about this company. I may be able to palm you off on the office manager.
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He sounds like a very minor Marvel superhero.
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https://www.aguirrerecords.com/products/michael-cosmic-phill-musra-group-peace-in-the-world-creator-spaces-3xcd?variant=5814785966109
no subject
Cool!
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