The Recipient Has to Give You a Penny

I've never bought anything off woot.com, but their copywriting amuses me:

DO:

Keep this Limited Edition Shun 8" Chef's Knife in a safe and clean place, as befits a knife blade offset with copper accents.

DO NOT:

Stab this Limited Edition Shun 8" Chef's Knife into a boulder and decree that he who can pull it out will be King of all England. You don't have that authority.

DO:

Keep in mind that only 3000 of these knives have been made and sequentially numbered.

DO NOT:

Try to find all the other Limited Edition Shun 8" Chef's Knife owners and duel them, Highlander-style.

Writing Update

So I have about 400 more words left to punch up the ending before I hit the 5,000-word limit for this year's Friends of the Merril Short Story Contest.

I feel like this is the sort of scene where I need to dive in and not to be afraid to go word-salad if that's what it takes, but I'm still bracing myself and taking a deep breath.